My heart is so full today. Usually I don't take a lot of time to write my blog posts, I must admit. I just quickly write down the important details, try to add some interesting adjectives ( grade 8 English) and maybe some humor if I am lucky!
But today is different..............
I have had these thoughts for a long time and just mulled them over in my mind. Sometimes with more of a positive attitude than other times. Today, I have decided to try to be the "answer" to life's problems, not add to the problem.
High school sports....mmmm?
there! I opened the can of worms. I am hoping that someone out there might be able to explain to me why coaches do things the way they do. I am very much one who believes that "winning isn't everything", especially at the expense of character!After seeing the results of a few too many broken-spirited students as the result of sport's programs, my heart still leans that way. I know some people might disagree.
I really do marvel at the difference in coaching styles. I am not an expert by any means. I have studied the coaching styles of Lombardi and Landry for a senior project in High School. For some reason this subject has always interested me. Not just now I am a mother.
I see two contrasting views playing out before my eyes right now!
My Brittany decided to take up soccer as a junior in high school. Go figure. She ran the length of the gym with girls who had been in the sport since they could walk. Rightly so, she was placed on the lower level team. (junior varsity) This year as a senior the coaches generally feel that you should have the skill to make the Varsity team and if not they let you go. Britt did not make Varsity. BUT this amazing young man decided that her character (yes you read that correctly) and leadership skills were more important to him and kept her on JV as a CAPTAIN. I cannot tell you what this meant to us as parents.....but more importantly what it means to her as a young woman.
On the other end of the spectrum I have a child who has seemingly landed on the bad side of the coach of a sport that said child plays. (can you tell I don't want to give names or indicate who I am talking about, even though most of you who read this have NO idea who I would be talking about anyway)
From the time we moved here there was a clear indication of "favorites" and "Unfair" treatment. This "coach" recently sat down for a meeting with my child and laid out a list of everything she does wrong. Oh he did tell her ONE thing she does right! ONE THING! ( I kinda gave it away sorry, hard to tell the story without)
now I know that I am her mother....but I cannot tell you how many other students I have seen quit their sports because of similar treatment.
High school sports are in grave danger of becoming elitist groups for children of parents with "money", "influence" and "community standing". Apparently a poor pastor's daughter doesn't fall into any of those categories for this man.
IF my child works hard and shows herself worthy he might put her on Varsity for her senior year. But there is not any promise. I was told she would be given "Fair consideration". While there are younger athletes already playing on that team who have much less experience or raw talent.
He questioned her choice of friends and her father's encouraging shouts from the stands saying that "we will have to move her dad up further in the stands next year!" like a father's love and encouragement is a detriment! this is probably what bothered me most.
{I am not saying give false hope to someone incompetent. I believe that skill level and talent should be rewarded with placements on teams. Or in plays, or for solos in choir. I know that this might smack of political correctness....(garage logic). I am not one of those who thinks we should ban certain activities because kids feelings might get hurt. I know that is a controversial subject in and of itself....gone are the days of old fashioned Valentines! you either give to the whole class or not anyone. }
I think it's amazing what young people will rise to, if given some hope! Some kind of push...some encouragement! some faith!
I have seen both types of coaching styles play out before my eyes!
I can tell you which one I would choose!
I do not think our kids should have to play political games with adults.
I know this might come across as negative. I really don't want it to. I guess I hope that by writing these thoughts down someone out there who has influence with young hearts will maybe reconsider how they treat them. Honestly, I believe through this man's treatment my child has had opportunity for growth and learned a lot that will go with her through life. So I will choose to look at the positive!
I welcome any wisdom...any thoughts.....any additions.....or most of all Solutions!!!
I am after an answer! Good thing my child has parents who build up her spirit! and mend the broken pieces left by this world. I feel so badly for those who don't!!!!
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8 comments:
I have two family members who had this happen countless times. Worked so hard in sports, has a good attitude and still were treated unfairly. Pretty sad stuff. I will be praying for your kids and the coaches.
-Brooke
The "move her dad up further in the stands..." comment sounds like insecurity. Of course my first response would be to bring a megaphone.
Sorry- that last comment was from Jenny not Larry. I'm on Larrys computer and didn't realize he was signed on.
We can commiserate with you on a similar level...Jen hasn't gone out for a sport, but does need to take a gym class to graduate. The only one available to her this year is full of athletic boys, whom she must compete with/against and is graded for. No mercy. Ouch.
Becky R.
Not sure if this adds or not, but I was definately one of those high schoolers who worked very hard at sports, but never seemed to cut a break from the coaches. In retrospect, I really wasn't that talented, so I don't think I was treated unfairly. In that mode, my situation is not similar to your offspring, who I happen to know is a gifted athelete.
But my point is this. It is what I learned from the experience, (yes even the experience of seeing underclassmen pick up starting positions while I was relegated to the proverbial "garbage" minutes)It is what I learned from those experiences that helped shape me into the person and the man I am today.
Was it my incredible maturity and insight that helped me grow through this adversity? Harldy.
It was the unconditional support of my parents who loved me and attended games whether I was riding the bench, or grabbing a couple minutes at the end of a lopsided game. They taught me to press on regardless of my perception of fairness, to keep trying when the physical and practical odds were aginst me, and to understand that life itself was so much bigger than the limited world I knew in high school.
In that area, I know that your child is blessed with the same quality of parents. As for the Dad in the stands, I know the type of encouragement and words of life that come from that man's heart and mouth. It does little good to understand that he could out-coach and out motivate the guy in question with half effort, but we know, don't we?
A very wise man once taught me not to move too quickly to spare the people we love from tough, even unfair situations. It could very well be that God is molding them more into the character of Christ to prepare them for something so much greater than a basketball game.
My heart goes out to you as parents, my sympathy goes out to the coach, and my utmost confidence and faith goes out to the stregth of your wonderful family and the awesome plan God has for each of your lives.
All of our Love,
C. Havoc
At this point, I really don't like the thought of high school sports at this point in time. Do you want to know what they had us do TODAY?
They made everyone take a survey at our school asking if the punishment for expulsion from sports due to drinking/association/smoking/drugs etc. was TOO HARSH. First offense there is no warning, and you must not participate in that sport for two weeks, and then after each offense, obviously the punishments get worse. They think the current system is "too harsh" and want to give a warning the first time, then buckle down on the rules. But they sign a form at the beginning promising that they won't do all that stuff, then they get mad when they get caught. if they were really dedicated they wouldn't do that stuff at all...........this makes me mad. haha.
but i'm praying for your current situation!
love u
well C.H. I knew I could count on you for wisdom....I didn't count on my heart being so deeply touched by your words, but you always were full of surprises! thank you! I will have my "child" read your comment when she gets home. I know it is truth for it rings inside me like a confirmation almost always does. thank you! thank you!
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